Skunked
by America50
Summary: America is out for a walk in the woods when he comes across an agitated polecat. And unfortunately for him, it doesn't end well. With a world meeting the very next day, things are bound to get interesting.
1. Chapter 1

**This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but then it got a bit long. So I'm guessing only one more chapter after this. Maybe two. I dunno yet. Anywho, this was inspired by a very smelly dog I met the other day. Lets just say a little stinker left its mark on the poor dog. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. I'm not that lucky xD I do, however, own the plot.**

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America loved nature. For as long as he could remember, he had enjoyed being in the great outdoors. The sounds of birds singing, bees buzzing and just the general smell of nature was enough to lift his spirits and make him proud of his country. While he loved being in the city as much as the next city dweller, he was most at home in the wilderness. He loved everything about nature from the smallest bug (except the ones that bite you and drink your blood like little ugly six legged vampires) to the tallest trees and mountains.

And it was because of that love that America found himself wandering through the woods behind one of his many houses. Having to deal with most of the world the following day, he had decided to spend today outside, relaxing before the chaos that was a world meeting. With it being spring, America hoped he could spot some of the local deer, wanting to see this years fawns. Like any nature lover, America absolutely loved baby animals. His favorites to watch were the fawns and wolf pups. His absolute favorite had to be the bald eagle chicks.

He would often seek out an eagle's nest and climb up the tree to watch the little eaglets as they grew. The adults somehow knew he wouldn't hurt their offspring and let him be, though they never let him do more than just look. He had found that out the hard way once. The end result was a nasty bite on his hand and an equally nasty fall out of the tree. He never tried to touch an eaglet again.

Deciding the eagles would be more fun to watch, America turned his attention to the trees. He looked through the greening branches, carefully looking for the giant nests he knew the eagles built. Paying more attention to the trees and less attention to where he was going, America never noticed what was lurking ahead.

Sniffing around the ground, a large black and white skunk was looking for any bugs or grubs it could eat. Hearing a large animal approaching, the skunk abandoned its search for food and surveyed the area. It didn't take it long to spot the oblivious human approaching. Thinking the human was a predator, the skunk immediately began to hiss and stomp its feet in an attempt to scare of the human.

America, being entirely focused on finding an eagle nest, never heard or saw the smelly menace. And unfortunately for him, that would be the worst mistake he would make that day.

When its warnings went unheeded, the skunk resorted to its last line of defense. Raising its long fluffy tail, the skunk stood still and took aim. Without a bit of hesitating, it sprayed its foul smelling liquid at the unsuspecting nation.

Feeling something hit his bare skin, America jumped and looked down. His eyes widened as the sight, and smell, reached his senses. Clamping a hand over his nose, America gagged and stumbled back. "Shit!" Without waiting for round two, America turned and ran the way he had come, the smell never leaving his nose. With a satisfied snort, the skunk resumed its hunt for food.

Running into his house, America immediately stripped out of his ruined clothing and made a dash for the bathroom. He immediately turned on the shower and jumped in, only to find that the water made the smell even worse. Feeling like he was about to loose his lunch, he turned off the water and got out.

After drying off quickly, he wrapped the towel around his waist and started pacing. He had no idea what to do now. He didn't have any tomato juice and going to the store was out of the question. He would likely be kicked out because of his offensive odor.

He couldn't call England or even his brother, Canada. That was just asking to be laughed at. "Awe shit! I have a meeting tomorrow!" Slapping his forehead, America began pacing faster. He couldn't skip out on the meeting. He was the host after all. And besides that, he was sure if he skipped it, the others, especially England, would come looking for him.

Getting a brilliant idea (well, brilliant for him anyway), America went back into the bathroom. After rummaging through a cabinet, he soon found what he was looking for. Grinning, he held up the full bottle of cologne and took off the cap. He then set about spraying every last drop of the cologne all over himself in an attempt to get rid of the smell. Once satisfied, he threw the empty bottle in the trash and went to fix himself something to eat.

England sat at the large conference table, a scowl on his face. The last place he wanted to be was in the United States and stuck at a world meeting. He would have much rather been at home in England, sitting in front of his fireplace with a cup of tea and a good novel to pass the day.

Unfortunately it was that time of year again where there was a series of meetings every day for the next week. And to make matters worse, his longtime rival/secret crush, France, was being his typical frog self and irritating the island nation to no end.

"Bug off frog." England snapped, glaring at the older nation.

"But you are so much fun to mess with, _Angleterre_~" France replied with a smile.

"Wanker!"

"Ohonhonhon~"

"_Oh mio Dio_! What is that _orribile _smell?!" Romano suddenly yelled, plugging his nose.

"My God, it is awful!" England frowned, covering his nose.

Just then the doors were kicked open and America walked in. "The hero is here!"

Canada, being the closest one to the door, covered his nose and groaned. "_Mon Dieu..._America, did you get sprayed by a skunk again?"

America, for once noticing his twin, crossed his arms. "Of course not bro! I'm the hero! Heroes don't get skunked!"

"I beg to differ..." Canada mumbled.

"What the bloody hell are you going on about? And what is that offensive odor!?" England demanded, the smell making him nauseous.

"What smell, dude?" America asked, clearly playing dumb.

As though that were the magic phrase, the room erupted into chaos. Nations jumped out of their seats and ran out of the room as fast as they could, every last one of them covering their noses with their hands, shirts, and any other item they could find.

Before long the only ones left were America, Canada, England, and France; three of them still hiding their poor noses from the smell.

"I demand an answer as to why you smell like rotten eggs and dirty gym socks!" England demanded, giving the younger nation a look that would scare even Russia.

Alfred gasped, shocked by his former caretakers accusation, even if it was true. "I do not smell like rotten eggs and dirty gym socks!"

"Aiyah! You smell horrible!" China cried out, looking as though he were about to be sick.

"I don't stink!" America replied, raising his voice more than usual.

"Actually...you do smell pretty bad..." Canada replied, though his response went unnoticed.

"_Mein Gott_...you smell worse than Italy's boots..." The German nation shuddered a bit at the thought.

"_C'est scandaleux! Mon ami, vous avez besoin d'un bain!_" France announced, a determined glint in his blue eyes.

America looked at France as though he had just grown a second head. "Dude, speak American! I can't understand a word you just said!"

"It's English you wanker!" England yelled.

"I simply said, my smelly friend, that you need a bath." France replied casually.

America stared at him as his words registered. "Oh hell no! You're not giving me a bath!" With that, America bolted out the door, the meeting long since forgotten.

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**C'est scandaleux! Mon ami, vous avez besoin d'un bain!**_ -_This is outrageous! My friend, you need a bath! (**French**)

**The rest should be pretty obvious lol**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2!**

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Needless to say, it wasn't hard to follow and find the run away American. America had thought it a good idea to hide in a janitor's closet just down the hall from the conference room. Unfortunately for him, he never took his offensive odor into consideration. The offended nations stood outside the door, Germany quietly giving them hand signals. France stood in front of the door, his hand lightly resting on the handle. England and Russia stood off just to the side, ready to tackle America if he tried to flee. The others stood back, ready to help England and Russia if they needed it. With a silent countdown with his fingers, Germany nodded at France, who then proceeded to open the door.

America could hear his fellow nations outside the door. Try as they may to remain unnoticed, they didn't seem to realize he could hear their footsteps and see their shadows from the crack under the door. He wasn't sure what they were planning, but before he could think about it any further, he was suddenly blinded by a bright light as the door was yanked open. He quickly shielded his eyes, but was almost immediately tackled to the floor by England and Russia.

"Hey! Get the hell off of me!" America yelled, kicking and thrashing his arms. While he might have been stronger than any of the other countries, being pinned down by a giant and the Eyebrow King, made it next to impossible for him to get up.

"You are getting a bath and that's all there is to it, you wanker!" England snapped, having to fight back the urge to puke.

"You're not giving me a bath!" America screamed. England merely rolled his eyes, remembering all of the times he'd had to fight with him as a colony to bathe.

"If I can make you take a bath as a child, I can bloody well do it to you as an adult."

"I can make comrade take bath, easy!" Russia smiled as he held up his trusty pipe. Before anyone could protest, the Russian clonked America over the head, effectively knocking him out.

"Bloody hell! We weren't trying to knock him out!" England snapped, scowling at the larger man.

"But it is effective, _da_?"

England merely sighed and stood up. "Yes, I suppose it is. We best get him into the bath before he wakes up."

Taking that as his cue, Russia easily lifted America up over his shoulder and walked out of the closet, England following close behind.

The first thing America noticed when he started to wake up, was that he was wet. The next thing he realized was that he was sitting in something hard and cool to the touch. Opening his eyes, he groaned and blinked a few times before taking in his surroundings. He saw that he was in a bath tub and that the wet feeling was a thick red liquid that covered him from the waist down. Immediately his still foggy mind came up with a thought that scared him.

"What the holy fuck?! Why the hell am I sitting in a tub of blood?!"

"Keep it down you twit. You're in a tub of tomato juice. Someone, I can't seem to recall who, told us that you had been sprayed by a skunk...while I have no idea what a 'skunk' is, they said that tomato juice will get rid of the smell." England glared at his former colony, a clothes pin on his nose.

"Oh..." America frowned and looked down at himself, then quickly realized something. "I'm naked!"

England rolled his eyes and sighed. "Git, you're not bloody naked! You're still wearing your under garments."

"My wha...?"

"You're underwear!"

"Oh! I knew that!"

"I'm sure you did..." The Brit muttered under his breath.

"Anyway, I'm getting out now. This crap's cold!" America replied as he started to stand up. England frowned and pulled him back down.

"I don't think so. You haven't been washed up yet. You still stink." England replied.

"Fine. Get out then." America said.

"Not so fast. I know how you like to pretend you're washing up when in reality you're just playing around. I am going to wash you to ensure you get clean."

America's face quickly turned redder than the tomato juice he was currently sitting in. "Wh-what?!"

"You heard me." England crossed his arms over his chest.

"Screw this! I'm not letting you wash me!"

"And why not? I used to do it all the time when you were younger."

"Yeah well, that's different!"

"How so?"

"Eh..."

England raised an eyebrow, a smirk faintly visible.

"I don't know! But it's seriously messed up!"

"Oh quit your whining. The sooner I wash you up, the sooner you can get out." Picking up a scrub brush from the side of the tub, England dipped it into the juice before proceeding to scrub down his former charge.

America, being the hero that he was, decided to just sit there and deal with it. That was the most heroic thing he could think of doing in this situation. Besides, it's not like the others were there to see him. England had told them to leave before America woke up, knowing he would do everything in his power to escape if anyone else were watching.

By the time America was scrubbed down, England had removed the clothes pin from his nose. "Ah, much better!" He smiled, taking a deep breath of clean air.

"Easy for you to say...You're not covered in tomato juice..." America grumbled.

"Oh shut it. You can take a shower now to clean it off." England said.

"Good! Now get outta here!" America said, hopping out of the tub and practically throwing the Englishman out the door.

With that, he slammed and locked the door before going back to the tub. He quickly drained the juice out, then stripped out of his boxers before hopping into the shower. A satisfied sigh escaped him as he finally relaxed as the warm water washed the remains of the juice off of him.

Outside the bathroom, England was smirking as he made his way back to the conference room. The others were waiting there for him, all but Germany, Italy, and Japan, wearing smug expressions. Walking into the room, he closed the door behind him, then looked at his fellow nations.

"Did you blokes get the photos?" He asked, glancing at each nation.

"H-hai!" Japan nodded, holding up his trusty digital camera. "But America-san will not be happy once he finds out..."

"Yes, I know. But the benefits of these photographs outweigh the consequences. These images will be perfect black-mailing material. As far as the git knows, I was the only one present at the time."

"But _Angleterre_, we have another question on our hands." France said.

"Hm? And what would that be, frog?"

"What is a skunk?" The Frenchman asked.

"Ah...I have no idea. But whatever it is, it is a foul thing."

"I know what a skunk is..." Came a quiet response.

"Bloody hell! Is there a ghost in here?" England frowned as he tried to pinpoint the source of the quiet voice.

"I do not think so, _mon ami_."

"It was me. Canada."

"Canada...? Ah, I didn't see you there!" England replied, hiding his shock as the Canadian seemed to materialize right before their eyes. Canada merely sighed, used to being forgotten. "As you were saying...you know what a skunk is?"

"Yeah. It's a mammal that lives in North America. They have different markings, but they're almost always black and white. When they're threatened, they can spray this foul smelling liquid at whatever is threatening them..." Canada explained. He had learned long ago not to mess with a skunk, unless of course it was descented. But that only applied to those kept by people crazy enough to have one as a pet. "I have a picture of one." Holding it up, Canada watched the others take a close look at the creature in the picture.

"Blimey! That little rodent caused this entire mess?" England exclaimed.

"They're not rodents, eh." Canada replied.

"Oh. Right. Well, I'm just glad to smelly buggers don't live in my country." England said.

France nodded in agreement. "_Oui_. I am glad as well. They would ruin _mon beau pays_."

The others nodded in agreement, all except for Italy. He looked at the picture a bit longer before smiling.

"Ve~ I think they are _carino_! Germany, can I get one?"

"_Nein_!"

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**Mon beau pays – my beautiful c****ountry (French)**

**Carino – cute (Italian)**


End file.
